Bad Relationship Magnet? Singles Therapy can Uncover the Reasons Why
Do you feel destined to waste years of your life taking a trial and error approach to love before finding “the one?”
Perhaps there is a better way.
Singles therapy may be just the thing you need to get to the bottom of your relationship woes. Time with a professional could help you determine why bad relationships are drawn to you and the good ones keep getting away.
Defining your Own Values: What’s going on with you?
Singles therapy helps you define who you really are and what you really want.
It might be that you’ve given little time to introspection in your quest for the right relationship.
Why do you keep pursuing love? What does it mean to you to be loved and wanted? What does it mean when you’re alone? Can you be content to be alone?
To truly benefit from a relationship, you need to know yourself well. Otherwise, you may find yourself feeling unappreciated and misunderstood because you never took the time to identify and share what genuinely matters to you. Close examination of your own values and expectations, guided by a trained professional, could help you weed out some of the qualities in a potential mate that simply don’t match your values and possibly save you from another bad relationship.
Identifying Bad Relationship Patterns: Is your type really your type?
Singles therapy helps you understand the insecurities and unhealthy interactions or communication patterns that continually attract the wrong people. Looking back, you may recognize a trend when it comes to the type of character flaws, trust issues, or communication breakdowns that occurred in your past relationships.
Meeting with a therapist allows you the dedicated time and space to consider how and why you’ve chosen unreliable or unavailable partners in the past. Analyzing your thoughts, choices, and their outcomes may reveal how disconnected your relationship decisions are from your core needs and values. Does negative self-talk get in your way? Maybe you cut off promising relationships because you fear vulnerability. Or perhaps you expect chaos and therefore unconsciously do things to help it happen. Working with a therapist can teach you to observe and challenge repetitive, unhelpful ideas that may be contributing to missteps or misperception in your relationships. The self awareness you develop in singles therapy can be a valuable tool that allows you to head off destructive choices early on and learn to interact in ways that are functional and relatable.
Establishing Healthy Boundaries: Do you know when to wait, stop, or proceed?
Singles therapy may also help you develop a productive and enjoyable dating life with appropriate limits. Talk therapy can help you look at the underlying beliefs that drive your relationships too. How many times have you looked back on your relationships and felt backed into a corner or overwhelmed by the needs or choices of your partner? Therapy is an excellent opportunity to look at the ways that your personal boundaries may have shaped your relationships.
Singles therapy can help you discover how soft, rigid, or non-existent boundaries may be sabotaging your current and potential relationships.
Do you put up too many walls in an attempt to protect yourself?
Do you allow disrespect because you fear that you will appear too demanding?
If you’re tired of suffering one bad relationship after another, perhaps it’s time to meet with a therapist who can provide some fresh perspective. Singles therapy is a wise investment in yourself and a more effective way to attract the love you seek.
Robert Menuet, LCSW, is a therapist who practices in the Greater New Orleans, Louisiana, metropolitan area. He specializes in Marriage Counseling, Couples Therapy, Relationship Therapy for Singles, Couples Therapy For One, and he consults and treats couples who work together in family business. He has 34 years of experience and has been trained in couples therapy and mediation at the Washington School of Psychiatry and Loyola University College of Law.